Reverse Culture Shock
“Are you happy to finally be home?” This is one of the most common questions I’ve been receiving over the last 8 weeks. And it’s hard for me to answer truthfully. It feels like everyone expects me to be happy or excited to be repatriated to the USA. But sometimes “home” feels foreign to me. And the thing is, Argentina and Angola will always be home to me now too.
Before leaving Argentina, our company gave us a repatriation orientation. One of the topics was reverse culture shock along with other repatriation feelings that would be coming up. And we were told these are normal for around 6 months (it’s different for everyone). So while readapting to USA customs has been difficult, I remind myself daily this is a new stage of life, the way I’m feeling is normal and this is just reverse culture shock. But it doesn’t make answering the question, “Are you happy to finally be home?” any easier.
What is Reverse Culture Shock?
Investopedia defines reverse culture shock as, “the emotional and psychological distress suffered by some people when they return home after a number of years overseas. This can result in unexpected difficulty in readjusting to the culture and values of the home country, now that the previously familiar has become unfamiliar.”
It is hard to understand the effects of reverse culture shock if you haven’t lived away from your home country for an extended period of time. However, for those of us that have been expats, we may struggle with this. When we return home after living abroad, our home country can feel different from what we are now used to. This can be in everyday life, values or customs.
And it may also be the case that our home country is different from what we expected it to be like (idealizing what it would be like to be back home). Reverse culture shock is certainly subjective and affects each repatriate differently, similar to culture shock when arriving in a new country.
How Reverse Culture Shock Has Manifested for Me:
English
It feels weird that everyone can understand me now. When I lived in Angola and Argentina, most people I was around did not speak English. And if they heard me speaking English they would quickly look over at me. It instantly made me feel like an outsider; like I was trying to blend in and BAM I’ve been discovered! Not lying, sometimes I would talk smack (does that word age me?!) about people around me knowing they couldn’t understand me….welp, can’t do that anymore!
Grocery or Amazon Shopping
Okay, we have sooo many (too many?) options in the USA. For the past 7 years, I’ve gone to supermarkets where there were 3 types of ketchup to choose from. And they only had fruits and vegetables that were in season. So if you want mangoes in winter, forget about it. Squash in summer? Probably not. Blueberries in the winter? I wish!
The options here have felt overwhelming at times. I also remember this feeling when we came home on vacations. The sheer volume of food available at American grocery stores was/is incredible.
And the two-day delivery on Amazon is nuts. Again, the sheer amount of things that we can have delivered right to our door is incredible. Honestly, it almost feels too luxurious. Like I feel guilty that I can order almost anything I can think of and it will be delivered to me within 48 hours. There’s such a huge disparity between the way most people live in this world and me ordering something off Amazon.
Hoarding
Speaking of grocery shopping…. Living abroad, the supermarkets won’t always have everything you want. This was more the case with Angola than Argentina (but still sometimes in Argentina too!). But basically every few days I’d go grocery shopping because you never knew when they were going to get a shipment of something. And if you saw your favorite snack or almond milk, you better get several because you didn’t know when you’d see it again.
I always felt like a hoarder when I’d get to the check-out counter and I had 6 cheddar cheeses, 8 almond milk cartons, 8 jars of my favorite pasta sauce and 10 bags of tortilla chips. Tortilla chips and almond milk were really hard to find! Anytime I saw them, I’d stock up big time.
Obviously living here in Texas, we don’t have to worry about that. But I still find myself grabbing several packages of something. Then I have to remind myself, I can come back to the store every day this week and they will have this same product. The store won’t run out or have to wait for another shipment from South Africa. I talk myself off the “hoarding ledge” and then put a few packages back on the shelf lol. Andrew struggles with this too! When he shops with me and goes to grab something he’ll ask, “How many do you think? Three or four?” and I tell him, “just one”.
Easy Street
Life feels too easy right now (and I understand this makes me incredibly blessed). Of course, this is other than going through the emotions and difficulties of repatriation! But really, I don’t feel challenged right now. I think for the past 7 years it’s been a lot of surviving with “thriving” moments sprinkled in. I’ve constantly not fitted in or not known the language or the culture. I miss the challenges of daily expat life.
Spanish
Spanish still seems to be my default. I know this will go away, as it did with Portuguese. After we moved to Argentina (and still today lol) I mixed Portuguese and Spanish together in the same sentence because they are such similar languages.
Whenever I go to a restaurant, “gracias”, “si”, etc. still come out first. Then I quickly correct myself in English. It’s so funny how speaking Spanish in one country made me feel like “one of them” and here it makes me feel like an outsider. That’s the beauty of our diverse planet, I guess.
Or sometimes I’ll stand there dumbfounded, searching for an English word in my mind and the only thing that’s coming up is Spanish. But now at week 8, I must say some of this has already worn off, which actually makes me really sad. Time to watch some Univision.
Wasteful
I hate saying this about my home country but the USA is really wasteful.
Electronics are used for a year or two and then upgraded. I can’t tell you how many “old” phones I saw overseas. Basically, a new phone or an iphone (any model) were reserved for the super wealthy. People overseas kept their electronics, appliances, cars, etc. in good working order for years (maybe even decades) longer than us Americans would try to.
Another example is the produce at the supermarkets. Overseas, you get all kinds of produce at the stores - even things that have mold on them. You’ll see a worker pick up produce off the floor and put it right on top. Or throw bananas from the box to the store display. Needless to say, I got used to buying and eating bruised produce. And I’ve been fine. It actually kinda made me feel good that I was eating something people in the USA would probably throw away. Here in the USA, all the produce in grocery stores look oddly perfect. It may be time for me to start going to the local farmers market.
Reconnecting
This is a tough one. Part of being an expat that nobody tells you is that it can feel like a time bubble. When you repatriate you realize while you were off across the world living your life, everyone here was living theirs too. When we moved abroad in 2014, none of our friends had babies yet, some weren’t married and very few had a home. Now, everyone is settled down, with a family and I find it hard to connect sometimes.
I know we’re here for good (for now) but my mind still feels overseas, like we’re going to go back home to Argentina at any moment. And I still have so many goals and dreams and places I want to travel to before I settle too much. I feel like I’ve had the opportunity to do so much already but at the same time, it feels like my life is just getting started.
All this makes me feel out of sync with my peers and makes it hard to connect with people sometimes.
All of these things feel unfamiliar. And I feel guilty for thinking some of them. But I know this is reverse culture shock and the way through this is with time. Meanwhile, I will keep making a home here in Texas while simultaneously looking forward to our next adventure.
If you’re an expat or planning to be one, these are some things that you might notice after repatriating back home.
Here are some more thoughts after being repatriated for 8 weeks.
