5 Tips for Expatriate Wives

disclaimer** This article is from my perspective - an expat wife, whose husband applied for a job overseas. Of course the roles can be and often are reversed but for ease, this article will be based on a wife following their husbands career as that is what I’m experienced with! 

Your spouse has accepted a job overseas and you’re excited and ready to go! You understand this means leaving your comfortable life as you know it and you’re still excited. Good, because you’re going to need to harness that excitement for acclimating to your new home country. 

When we moved from Texas to Angola I was beyond excited for the new chapter. I felt like I could take on anything and then life got a little harder as the assignment went on and I took each day as a new lesson. 

After 6.5 years on expat assignment in 2 different countries, these are some things I would tell my younger, fresh-expat wife self. 

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Find a Community of Expat Women

This one is so so important. This was my lifeline while living in Angola and I truly regret not finding more friends while being here in Argentina. The ladies I met from all over the world in Angola kept life fun and interesting. I loved meeting up with them weekly to play games and hear stories about their past expat assignments. And they are really the only people who know what you’re going through; your spouse won’t fully understand the unique challenges we face as expat wives.

A friend to talk to that knows exactly what you’re going through and someone you can commiserate with is priceless. There will be times you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to just listen to you. 

When you arrive, see if your company has a social network. In Angola, my company had a solid network where wives would buddy up with new wives to show them the ropes and introduce them to everyone. In Argentina, there was nothing setup for expat wives at all which is one of the reasons it has been hard to meet people here. 

Then, look outside of the company for social groups. Try your local Embassy webpage to see if they put on any events for big holidays like July 4th for Americans. And Facebook is also a great place to find social groups or friends. 

You Can Still Have a Career

Everyone told me I couldn’t work in Angola because the spousal visa did not allow it. But I did not see that as a deterrent. Months before we moved to Angola I began making connections on LinkedIn with companies in Angola; I was determined to continue my HR career once we moved there. And quite honestly I was really interested in working in a new culture - to get that life experience. Before we moved I had an interview lined up for the week after we arrived and during the first 6 months there, I received 5 job offers from companies that were willing to sponsor a work visa for me. I held out for what I really wanted and the final job offer I received was to work at the same company I was working at in Houston. So don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t able to work in your new country. 

I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, but depending on your skills, there are companies in every country that need help. And maybe you aren’t able to find traditional employment but you have a passion that can make you money. In Angola, I had a friend that taught exercise classes to expat wives and dance classes to kids living in the housing compound. Maybe you’re a good homecook - offer your neighbors services to provide them with hot lunches to take to work each morning. Or if you enjoy spending time with children, offer babysitting services to other parents living in the compound. I’m sure there are plenty of people that will take you up on that! Or teach yoga classes in your home! 

Whether your skills are HR, nursing, sales, cooking or growing succulents, there are likely people in your new location that are willing and excited to pay you for your services. 

Learn the Local Language

Well, learn as much as you can. I know this one is hard. But anything you can learn will go a long way in helping to communicate with the local population. Everything will be easier if you know a few words - from talking with your maid to figuring out your way around the grocery store to getting your haircut. 

When we moved to both locations, I made time in the beginning to learn the basics of the language - think beginner courses in high school. That’s probably my level in Portugese and Spanish (hopefully my Spanish is a little better though). It was important to me that I could tell my driver where to take me and where to wait clearly so I didn’t get lost. I wanted to be able to tell my maid exactly what I wanted cleaned or how often I would pay her. And I wanted to have basic manners when talking with new Angolans or Argentines. 

For both Spanish and Portuguese I took private lessons but with all the free resources on the internet these days, there’s no reason you can’t pick up some basic words for free! Try YouTube or your phone’s App store. Also, double check to see if your company offers lessons at your spouse's office. They may also have a reimbursement program. They offer these services because they want you to feel more comfortable in your new country so be sure to take advantage! 

Stay in the Present

I can admit I have spent too much time on my expat assignments thinking about or wishing I was back home in the USA. Now when I catch myself I say, “That will be my next chapter but one day I will look back and miss living here in Buenos Aires so I need to enjoy it while I can.” It’s easy to look around and wish for things, especially things you’re used to from back home. But then you will waste all the time you have to learn new things. This is truly a regret of mine - wanting things to be like America more than I care to admit. I wish I could have enjoyed where I was more over the past 6 years. Because really, 6 years will be but a little blip when I look back over my entire life when I’m in my 90’s+. 

A good way to stay present is also to be thankful. And living in a different country can definitely make you feel more grateful for what you have at home. Living in Angola was such an eye-opener for us in this respect. Of course I had seen poverty before in the USA and while on vacation however the totality of it hits so differently when you live among it. We had a nice home that the company supplied but in order to get anywhere you would see so much poverty on the streets. Poverty that I couldn’t fathom before living there. Living among that everyday will certainly make you grateful for what you have back in the USA. 

The next time you’re feeling frustrated, list out all the things you love about living where you are - things you will really miss once you leave. That will immediately put you in a different, more positive headspace. Then go enjoy those things you listed! 

Take Advantage of this Time

This is something I’ve only just learned, which is too bad because I suspect my time as an expat is coming to an end with all the oil and gas jobs drying up. But really try to take advantage of the time you have now. Before going overseas I saw Andrew and I being a dual-career couple with no kids and taking over the oil & gas world through engineering and human resources. And I’ve been so fixated on that past dream that it took me years to dream a new dream. 

But instead of focusing on what you’ve left behind or the hard parts of expat life, try to focus on all the amazing things in front of you. Maybe now you’ll have time to work on the book you’ve been thinking of. Or you can experiment more in the kitchen. We became vegetarians when we lived in Angola and I’m 100% sure that would not have happened if I wasn’t at home all day trying out new recipes. And if nothing else, think about all the amazingly entertaining stories you’ll have to share at dinner parties for the rest of your life! 

Normally when we live in our home country we’re busy. We have family, friends and other activities pulling us in lots of directions. But expat life is different. We usually aren’t working and there is no family there.I’ve discovered taking life at a slower pace can be such a good thing. In fact, having more time to think and dream has given me new things I’m excited for in my next life chapter. These dreams probably wouldn’t have been discovered if I never went on expat assignment. 

This expat assignment or your time overseas isn’t going to last forever. Like everything in life, it’s a chapter. And you want this chapter to be full of excitement and adventure. You’re doing something that most people will never have the courage to do - leave everything behind and live in a foreign culture. 

Remember these tips and incorporate them into your daily expat life to help you wake up each day with a sense of wonder and appreciation for your life living overseas.

Ready to move abroad? Then be sure to download my free packing checklist that includes everything you need to remember when moving abroad!

And before you move, be sure to check out my blog on what to do when life gets hard living overseas here.